Has this ever happened to you?
You are planning to do something and finally take action in an area of life that is important to you, maybe invite that person you’ve been wanting to spend time with out on a date or ask for that promotion you would love to get.
Sounds like a great plan. “I’m going to do it!” you say. That is until your mind says otherwise. All of a sudden, you’ve gone from “I’m going to do it!” to “Just forget it, this is too much.” Your mind starts saying things like “they won’t hire me,” or “they won’t want to date me.” Then in response you argue back to your mind, “hey, I’m totally dateable,” or “I’ve earned a shot at a promotion.”
Your mind fires back with all the reasons that you are not so great, or all the obstacles that are in the way of your goal. During and after the thought battle you are left feeling full of anxiety and thoroughly intimidated and all that’s left is a strong desire to scrap the whole endeavor altogether.
This kind of back and forth “positive thinking” /“negative thinking” mental tennis match is completely normal for our human brains. Our minds have evolved to be on the constant lookout for danger. It’s unlikely you or I would be alive without this evolution.
However, getting ensnared by negative thoughts can lead us to what Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) calls “fusion.” Being fused to thoughts can lead to automatically buying into limiting beliefs and acting in ways that support these unhelpful negative thoughts. We end up steering our behavior towards avoidance instead of engaging in actions that are in line with creating and living a meaningful life. In ACT this is called officially known as “cognitive fusion” or less technically, it is called “getting hooked” by the thoughts that your mind generates.
Do you ever find yourself getting caught up, absorbed, and hooked by these kinds of thoughts?
Do you ever find yourself stuck inside your mind - arguing, fighting, or suppressing your thoughts?
Instead of the thoughts slinking away in defeat never to return, do they come back kicking and screaming harder than before?
If your mind is anything like mine or the rest of the human minds on the planet, then I assume the answer to be “yes” to all of the above.
Thankfully, ACT has a mindfulness technique to increase our ability to observe these thoughts instead of becoming hooked by them, serving them, or fighting them. It is called cognitive defusion.
It is called defusion because it is the antidote to fusion.
Fusing with unhelpful thoughts like “they won’t want to promote me” becomes problematic when those thoughts limit our ability to take action that would benefit our lives. It is problematic when it prevents us from being the kind of person that we want to be in life. Essentially, cognitive fusion can lead to patterns of avoidance or flooding that keep us “stuck” and unable to behave in ways that we would like to behave.
Cognitive defusion or unhooking allows us to recognize that there is a part of ourselves that is able to observe thoughts, without being the thoughts themselves. Strengthening our ability to notice thoughts without getting hooked is an essential step towards broadening our responses to these thoughts. This allows us to make choices that are in line with what’s important to us instead of what we fear.
Doing this classic ACT exercise below is a way to practice experiencing what it’s like to notice that there is a part of your mind that observes and a part of your mind that pumps out thought, virtually non-stop, much like a radio broadcasts sound or a heart pumps blood. This is simply our mind doing what minds do. Read through the exercise once or twice to get a feel for it and then go ahead and try it if you are willing.
Leaves on a stream (Harris (2009)
(1) Sit in a comfortable position and either close your eyes or rest them gently on a fixed spot in the room.
(2) Visualize yourself sitting beside a gently flowing stream with leaves floating along the surface of the water. Pause 10 seconds.
(3) For the next few minutes, take each thought that enters your mind and place it on a leaf… let it float by. Do this with each thought – pleasurable, painful, or neutral. Even if you have joyous or enthusiastic thoughts, place them on a leaf and let them float by.
(4) If your thoughts momentarily stop, continue to watch the stream. Sooner or later, your thoughts will start up again. Pause 20 seconds.
(5) Allow the stream to flow at its own pace. Don’t try to speed it up and rush your thoughts along. You’re not trying to rush the leaves along or “get rid” of your thoughts. You are allowing them to come and go at their own pace.
(6) If your mind says “This is dumb,” “I’m bored,” or “I’m not doing this right,” place those thoughts on leaves, too, and let them pass. Pause 20 seconds.
(7) If a leaf gets stuck, allow it to hang around until it is ready to float by. If the thought comes up again, watch it float by another time. Pause 20 seconds.
(8) If a difficult or painful feeling arises, simply acknowledge it. Say to yourself, “I notice myself having a feeling of boredom/impatience/frustration.” Place those thoughts on leaves and allow them to float along.
(9) From time to time, your thoughts may hook you and distract you from being fully present in this exercise. This is normal. As soon as you realize that you have become sidetracked, gently bring your attention back to the visualization exercise.
If you decided to try this exercise, how was this for you? What did you notice? If you found it beneficial then that makes sense. If you found it difficult that also makes sense. Exercises in defusion take practice. It is not our usual way of engaging with our thoughts. If it feels somewhat awkward or strange that can be a sign of trying something new and different in service of allowing yourself a new way to relate to your thoughts so that they do not have so much power over you. If you are willing, go ahead and practice this exercise generously, ideally at least once per day.
——————————————————————————————————————--
References:
Harris, R. (2009). ACT Made Simple: An Easy-To-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.